Stop Feeling Guilt and Shame for Disappointing God Now!
Two Reasons It is Impossible to Disappoint God
Some time ago I was grappling with the idea of disappointing God. In fact, I found that I was apologizing to God quite often for having disappointed Him. The most common things that would trigger this guilt and shame that lead to an apology involved my failure to do something that I knew was right to do and that I had committed to God that I would do.
Several years ago I committed to fasting 40 hours in a single week once each month. When I failed to fast the full 40 hours, I would feel guilt and shame because I felt like I disappointed God.
First, don’t be too impressed with this commitment. I did not fast 40 straight hours. I fasted from 7:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. for 4 consecutive days. That doesn’t sound too hard because, technically, it is only skipping one meal per day. However, I can tell you that it gets harder with each consecutive day, especially when you don’t make up the calories that you skipped each day by eating a big supper.
My failures generally occurred because I let something at work interfere. Either I would have a lunch meeting during the week that I generally fasted, or I let something keep me from putting my work aside and spending my lunch hour praying. Either way I felt like I disappointed God.
I suspect you are thinking to yourself about all those things you try to do but just can’t fit into your day as often as you feel you should. Those are the things that cause you to feel guilt and shame and that you are disappointing God. But you are not!
Let’s face it; many people often feel guilt and shame for disappointing God. Why? Because if you have been a Christian for any length of time at all you have been taught all of the things you should do, such as read the Bible and pray daily, attend church every time the door is open, incorporate fasting into your life, and regularly share your testimony with other people. But when it comes down to daily life, you find it difficult to do all of these things and keep up with your responsibilities at work, home, school, and church. Can we really stop feeling this guilt and shame when we can’t seem to get it all together as we are taught? Yes! And the way to do that is to understand that you do not, and cannot, disappoint God.
There was a period of time that I felt I was disappointing God quite regularly. I found myself praying on my way to or from work and asking God to forgive me for disappointing Him, letting Him down. Over time, God began reassuring me that I was not disappointing Him. I was merely disappointing myself and depriving myself of the blessings of fasting, praying, or whatever good thing that I had neglected.
In order to see that we do not disappoint God, let’s start with a definition of “disappoint.” In this context it means, to fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of. Synonyms include: let down, fail, dishearten, depress, dispirit, upset, sadden, dash the hopes of, chagrin, dismay, disgruntle, disenchant, disillusion, dissatisfy, vex. Do you feel like you let God down, fail Him, cause Him to be disheartened, depressed, dispirited, upset, saddened, etc.? I will explain why it is impossible to do that. But first, let’s look at the Apostle Paul and how he was disappointed by other people.
The Disappointments of the Apostle Paul
We know that people disappoint other people. In fact, in 2 Corinthians 2:1-4 we see that Paul had been disappointed by the people in the church in Corinth. Paul explained to the church in Corinth why he would not be visiting the church again as he had originally planned. He changed his plans because he was heavy in heart, knowing that he would have to rebuke the church again if he visited again. He chose not to distress the church by further rebuke and, instead, wrote his second letter to the church.
This heaviness was a sadness resulting from those who Paul expected to cause him joy. Paul’s expectations were not met by some of the Corinthian church members. As we saw above, “failure of expectations” is a part of the definition of “disappoint.” Paul was disappointed and did not want to show that disappointment to the church. So, he changed his plans and did not visit again as they were expecting.
Paul gives us another example of being disappointed in his letter to the church in Galatia. In Galatians 1:6, Paul states, “I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel.” “Marvel” means to be surprised and astonished. Paul is expressing surprise and disappointment that the Galatian church was deserting their faith in the Gospel of Christ and moving toward other teachings.
Surprise is a part of disappointment. When we don’t expect someone to perform a certain way, we aren’t surprised when they don’t perform that way. Also, we aren’t disappointed because we didn’t expect it any way. As an example, if I ask my husband to stop by the cleaners to pick up a jacket I would like to wear to church on Sunday and he explains to me that he doesn’t think he will be able to do so, when he doesn’t pick it up, I am not surprised and I am not disappointed. However, if he told me he would pick it up but neglects to do so, then I am surprised and I am disappointed.
We see in these two letters from the Apostle Paul that he, as a man, was disappointed on at least two occasions. There are two elements to disappointment: 1) Failure to satisfy the hope, desire or expectation of someone; and 2) Surprise. These are the two reasons why we don’t disappoint God.
Reason Number 1 – God Doesn’t Expect Perfection From Us
Returning to my example of failing to meet my commitment to fasting, do I let God down, disappoint Him, when I allow something to interfere with my fasting week?
First, does God expect me to succeed with every good thing His Word teaches us to do? He doesn’t expect perfection from us. Expect means to regard something as likely to happen or someone as likely to do something. Does God expect me to fast? Does He expect me to pray a certain amount of time every day? Does He expect me to attend church every time the door is open? No.
These are excellent things to do and we should strive to do them in order to be blessed by the act of doing them, not because we do them. We cannot earn blessings. Like grace, they are free gifts of God.
What does God expect of me, and out of each of us? 1 John 3:23-24 tells us that God expects Christians (those who are in a relationship with God by already having received salvation) to believe on the name of Jesus and to love one another. That’s it! He expects no more of us but to believe and love. And Psalm 103:14 reminds us that God knows our frame and remembers that we are dust. He knows we are human. He does not expect us to be perfect and to read the Bible and pray an hour a day, fast 3 days a month, and attend church every time the door is open. These are all good things for us to do. And we are blessed by doing them. But God does not expect it.
Reason Number 2 – We Cannot Surprise God
The second element necessary for being disappointed is being surprised. God is omniscient, all-knowing. We are reminded in Psalm 139:1-4 and 15-16 that He knows everything about us. If God knows each of us this intimately, He certainly is not surprised by anything we think, say, or do … or fail to do.
God is not Disappointed in You, He Loves You!
My purpose today is to remind you that God loves you no matter what you do. His love for you does not change when you succeed in praying 4 hours a day, fasting 5 days a month, and reading an entire book of the Bible every day. His love for you does not change when you can’t squeeze in 15 minutes of prayer a day, haven’t fasted in years, and a single verse of scripture is all you can read in a week. You can stop feeling guilt and shame for disappointing God now.
I am not saying you should not endeavor to do all of the good things God asks you to do. In fact, according to Philippians 2:13 in the Amplified Version of the Bible, God “is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” We don’t receive glory because we do His good pleasure and delight. God gets the glory. He is the one that energizes us and gives us the energy and desire to do the things His Word teaches us to do. We are blessed by the act of walking according to His Word. We don’t earn blessings by walking according to His Word.
When you find you haven’t done something you know is pleasing to the Lord and you know God would want you to do, don’t give in to guilt and shame. You must remember that you haven’t disappointed Him! You have only disappointed yourself and robbed yourself of the blessing of doing it. Remember that it is our own heart that condemns us, not God. 1 John 3:20 tells us, “For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.”
If you often feel guilt and shame because you think you have disappointed God, think again. He loves you with an unconditional love. He does not expect you to be perfect and He is not surprised or disappointed by anything you think, say, do, or fail to do! Stop feeling guilt and shame for disappointing God now!
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34 Comments
Jeremiah Hayes
Thank you for this article. I have really struggled with the feeling that I have disappointed God. I realize now that the enemy desires for me to remain in this state of mind, so he can hinder my walk with God. Thank you for exposing his lies.
Julie
If we don’t understand how the enemy attacks, he will get an advantage over us. 2 Corinthians 2:11. I am thankful for the power of God’s Word to correct our thinking that we may be thoroughly equipped to do God’s work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17. Thank you for your comment.
Elizabeth Amador lo
Muchas gracias, me pareció excelente poder leer éste hermoso artículo, ya que en lo personal me identifica, creo que es muy común entre las personas cristianas, ya que cuando nos entregamos enteramente a Dios especialmente si nos sentimos arrepentidos de corazón por nuestras acciones, es nuestro deseo procurar siempre que nuestras acciones sean de agrado a nuestros señor y que lo que hacemos sea conforme a lo establecido por su santa voluntad,también hay un gran interés en recibir esas bendiciones que trae el permanecer apartado de lo malo, orar, ayunar, y cuando fallamos pensamos que no resiviremos esas bendiciones y además sentir que si fallas te aleja de Dios, entonces como no pudimos cumplir sentimos como cuando llenas el globo de Elio que si lo sueltas comienza a subir y subir y poco a poco se alejará más de ti, de modo que piensas que así pasa con Dios y que Dios se alejará de ti por fallas.
Julie
Muchas gracias por tu comentario. Has descrito los sentimientos de tantas personas de manera hermosa. Particularmente me gusta tu analogía de un globo.
Pronto publicaré otra publicación en la que distingo entre luchar por la excelencia y luchar por la perfección. Es importante que nosotros, como cristianos, comprendamos la diferencia porque uno glorifica a Dios y el otro se glorifica a sí mismo.
Angela Roth
Love this! As I read this I heard in my head things like “This can’t be true” “Be careful you don’t want to be deceived” etc. Then I felt a pressure release that this is true and my perspective is changing. I will think and consider this more. My enemy doesn’t want me to understand this. But I will win! He is lost already! Thank you for the directions out of the lie the enemy has confined me in. <3
Julie
Thank you for sharing this victory! Continue taking captive every thought that rises up against the knowledge of God and what He has done for you! 2 Corinthians 10:3-6. Replace those thoughts with the Truth! You are an overcomer through Christ who loves you (Romans 8:37) and who is greater than the enemy (1 John 4:4).
Marisela
Que bella lectura que nos deja saber la confianza que podemos tener en Dios, el siempre estará con nosotras como lo a prometido, gracias por esa labor que hacen que en medio de todo lo que estamos viviendo en el mundo hay palabras que confortan nuestra alma
Julie
Hermana Marisela, gracias por sus amables palabras. La Palabra de Dios es poderosa y brilla una luz incluso en la oscuridad que envuelve nuestro mundo de hoy. El es fiel!
José Pablo Murillo
Bendiciones hermana Julie. Muchas veces recordamos Josué 1: 6 y nos quedamos en “Esfuérzate y sé valiente”, y dejamos que esa parte del versículo haga eco en nuestra mente y en nuestro corazón. Y claro, debemos recordar que Dios es el único perfecto, y que debemos procurar mejorar todos los días y hacer todo con amor y excelencia; pero algunos nos “castigamos” por no creer cumplir con la expectativa de Dios. Este mensaje me permitió respirar profundo y abrir mis ojos; Dios me habló por medio de este blog.
Muchas gracias hermana Julie, que Dios siga hablando por medio de sus publicaciones!
Julie
Hermano Pablo, otro versículo que a menudo nos hace luchar por la perfección es 1 Corintios 10:31. Parece que creemos que hacer todas las cosas para la gloria de Dios significa que debemos ser perfectos. ¡Pero Dios no espera que seamos perfectos, sino que lo glorifiquemos! Gracias por tu comentario. Me alegra que Dios te haya bendecido a través de la publicación.
Mickey Gardiner
I could feel myself relaxing as I read this blog. How we “think of God thinking of us” can either leave us hope-filled or hope-less. It can be an emotional roller coster. How self-centered we are to feel we have so much power over God’s love for us. 🙂
Thank you, Julie. I needed a “reboot” in this area.
Julie
You are welcome, Mickey. I am thankful you are finding comfort in this blogging ministry!
Seidy
Maravilloso que nos recuerde que Dios es incondicional y así también Su amor por nosotros.
Julie
Yes, He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow! Hallelujah! Thank you for your comment.
Sarah Varnum
Thank you so much for your prayerful study and insight of the Word. I am reading, wincing, pondering and studying your messages. If I thought I was too old to learn and grow, I’d be hopeless.
Julie
Your comment is precious and appreciated! It is through examples like you, always willing to learn more, that so many who know you continue to search for more of Him!
Diana Reed
Julie, a fresh perspective on a very important subject. I think feelings of guilt and our disappointment with falling short of expectations we place on ourselves is one of Satan’s chief attacks on believers. Well written and much needed! Thank you.
Julie
You are so correct that the feelings of guilt and disappointment are not coming from our heavenly Father, but from our enemy! It is so important to know the wiles/strategies of the devil (Ephesians 6:11) so we can bring every thought into the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Thank you for your comment and encouragement.
Samantha
I have always struggled with the thought of disappointing God, but this has helped me so much! Thank you for speaking into my life.
Julie
Thank you for your comment. It is such a pleasure to serve alongside you in Costa Rica!
Melissa Rutherford
Thank you for this insight. I have re-read it several times and gone to each scripture to read the full context myself and give more study to it. As a person who has also grown up with much guilt I don’t remember a time, even as a young child, that I did not feel like I was a disappointment to God. There was a long period when I even felt God had rejected me for my years of disappointment to him by punishing me in letting 11 of my family members die over a 10 year period. I thought it was my fault for a very long time. In reading your words, I realized that I have never separated the disappointment of Paul with the thoughts of God. I have always read the scripture as if God were the one doing the writing. I think I let this be reinforced by reading Revelation when God instructs John to address each of the 7 churches specifically regarding what he had against them. However, in light of this new information you presented, I went back with new eyes to re-read Revelation and what I realized is you are correct, what he was instructing John to write about really boils down to the churches not loving each other and not loving passionately and putting God first. Wow, thank you for this word that is deeply meaningful and healing to me.
Julie
Melissa, I am so thrilled to see how this post helped you see the Word of God with fresh eyes. “For the Word of God is quick [alive], and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit … and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12. What an amazing story of how you let His Word do surgery on your heart today! Keep studying His Word as you gain new understanding!
Nathan V
First, I’d like for you to peel back the onion more on Mike not picking up your jacket. I think there’s more to cover there.
More importantly, I have long felt that this is a much bigger struggle for most followers of Christ than willfully sinning. We disappoint ourselves in not doing the right things we know to do. We believe we disappoint God, which makes us hide behind fig leaves of our own making.
I confess that recognizing this is only the beginning of the battle. It is deeply ingrained in me and I often find my prayer time being ineffectual because I replace fervency with apology.
Your post spells this out so well…this will be a definite reread for me!
Nathan V
Julie
Nathan, thank you for your comment. You are so right that when we feel we have disappointed God we spend more time apologizing to Him than praying effectual, fervent prayers for the needs of other people. James 5:16.
Lynn Jamison
Thanks for that inspiration, and explanation. Wonderful thoughts.
Julie
Thank you, Lynn, for reading the post and for your kind words.
Anne Wildman
Sister Julie
This article was so enlightening to me! In my 35 year walk with God, I have often times felt like I have disappointed him! Not measuring up to be everything I need to be in his eyes. I love your perspective regarding the fact that God does not expect us to be perfect! Most times, we place that pressure on ourselves! This was a timely read for me! Thank you for all you are doing! You inspire me! Sending much love and warm thoughts!
Julie
Thank you, Sis. Anne, for you comment. As I consider the pressure we place on ourselves to be perfect, I realize how we strive to walk according to the Apostle Paul’s teaching to the Church in Corinth, that we “do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31. And yet we sometimes distort that to mean we must do all things perfectly in order to glorify God. And that is a higher standard than Paul or God intended! I am so thankful that God gives us wonderful examples of people in scripture that glorified God beautifully, yet were not perfect!
Jennifer
Me encantó sister Yuli! Tiene mucho talento para escribir. Ha sido de mucha bendición.
Julie
Gracias por sus amables palabras, hermana Jennifer. Me alegra que haya sido bendecido por el mensaje en esta publicación.
Debbie A
Thank you, Sis. Julie, for the insight you have given me this morning. I love the term “new eyes” that Melissa used! This has certainly given me new eyes for these scriptures. Wonderful food for thought…it’s very impactful to know that God does not expect so much from us…our stipulations and goals are self-imposed! My new goals today are to BELIEVE and to LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!
Julie
Sis. Debbie, thank you for your comment. You are a wonderful example of being a doer of the Word and not a hearer only! James 1:22.
Debra Celovsky
A wonderful perspective wonderfully explained. Thank you!
Julie
Thank you, Debra, for your kind words.